Entitled In-Laws Want to Use Woman's Funds She Set Aside for Their Son's Health Condition, for Their Dream Wedding: ‘He called us selfish’

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Jul 16, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

Assuming family will dish out $10,000 for your dream wedding under certain pretenses is beyond me.

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  • We'd do a lot for family. In most cases, family connection is one of the most important aspects of life. They're there for you when you need them most, whether that be emotionally, physically, or financially. Of course, there are always some exceptions to these unspoken rules. Sometimes, family can be overly presumptuous in terms of how much one is willing to give simply for the sake of family (and the reasons why they're giving in the first place).

    The woman in this story is expressing grief over a misunderstanding between her, her husband, and her in-laws. The in-laws communicated that they were short on their budget to purchase a necessary device for their son's health condition, to which this woman and her husband agreed they'd help front the cost. $10,000 later, they were all set to purchase the device for them. At a dinner celebrating their in-law's engagement, the in-laws express gratitude toward the woman and her husband for being able to fund their dream wedding. Immensely confused, the woman asks what they meant, and entitlement ensues.

  • 01
    AITAH for refusing to spend money on my brother in law's wedding?
    via Wheres-the-beets
  • 02
    My (F29) partner (M28) has a brother (M35) and a sister (F32). His sister has two children. Last year, her youngest child (M2) was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. It has been a huge adjustment and my SIL and family have had a hard time keeping his condition under control.
    via Wheres-the-beets
  • 03
    They were looking at purchasing a pump to help. manage his diabetes. A pump would drastically help keep his levels under control and would improve the day to day life of my nephew and his parents. The problem is that the pump is expensive. Most cost between
    via Wheres-the-beets
  • 04
    $5000-$10000 and my SIL and her partner do not have access to this amount of money. They had been saving money towards it, but are still a while off. My partner and I have two young children and can't imagine being in their
    via Wheres-the-beets
  • 05
    position. For this reason, we offered to pay for the pump. We are not wealthy (we are living off of my partner's income as an electrician while I stay home with our two children), but we budget well and always make sure we have money set aside.
    via Wheres-the-beets
  • 06
    My SIL and her partner declined our offer to pay for the pump as they managed to get a pump paid for by their health insurance. Great. Win win, case closed. Or so I thought.
    via Wheres-the-beets
  • 07
    About a month after we had offered them the money, my partner's brother got engaged. His fiancee has disabilities that prevent her from working. She also has extremely expensive taste.
    via Wheres-the-beets
  • 08
    Shortly after the engagement, we all met up for dinner to congratulate them. At one point they stood up to do a speech to thank everyone for their support etc etc. All completely normal until they turned to my partner and I and thanked us for helping to pay for their dream
    via Wheres-the-beets
  • 09
    wedding. I was confused but didn't say anything in the moment. After the speech we pulled them aside and asked what they were referring to. They explained that they heard that we had offered to pay for the pump, which we are now not doing, so therefore we have a spare $10 000.
    via Wheres-the-beets
  • 10
    They reasoned that we were planning on spending it on family, and this is the same thing. We were stunned. My partner explained to them that we didn't feel it was the same at all. A diabetes pump helps to keep our nephew alive, a wedding is hardly the same thing. My
    via Wheres-the-beets
  • 11
    brother in law got mad and accused us of favouring their sister. He said that we were willing to part ways with the money before so he didn't understand why we wouldn't now. I told him we were only going to the spend the money on the pump, otherwise it would
    via Wheres-the-beets
  • 12
    stay in our emergency fund. He called us selfish and we left early. After we left we received texts from other family members taking his side and guilting us into paying towards the wedding since his partner won't be able to. I didn't think we did anything wrong but now these messages have me questioning, AITAH?
    via Wheres-the-beets
  • 13
    Got2ThinkAboutit 12h ago Enthusiast [7] NTA. Your brother and family supporting him are the AHs. You were willing to dip into your family's emergency fund to help save a life. You indicated that money wasn't easily available - you have it because you have worked hard to save it.
    via G0t2ThinkAboutIt
  • 14
    Your brother could work extra hours to save up enough money to get the big, fancy wedding - or they can change their expectations and have a wedding they can afford. If you don't provide the money, no one's health will be seriously impacted. However, to expect you to fork out that money for an event WITHOUT ASKING is unforgiveable.
    via G0t2ThinkAboutIt
  • 15
    PandaCotton • 12h ago Certified Proctologist [26] NTA How entitled. Your savings are not a common fund and you are not a charity. Those 10,000 are yours, just because he knows about them doesn't mean they're at his disposal. Edit: the family members who are guilting you can share the cost and pay for his dream wedding.
    via PandaCotton
  • 16
    . Not_really1010 • 12h ago Colo-rectal Surgeon [36] NTA And stop offering your financial information to your family Let them know for all they knew, you have good credit and were going to take a loan out on their behalf for a MEDICAL EMERGENCY. The wedding funds are not an emergency in any way, shape or form, and thus your "loan" is not available.
    via Not_really1010
  • 17
    HustleHeartLoyalty • 11h ago Tell everyone who texts you to make a donation of $1,000.00 and you will then match it, but it has to be no less than $1,000.00 and paid to a vendor directly, not given to your BIL to secretly give back to them. I bet not one of them does it.
    via HustleHeartLoyalty
  • 18
    Icy_Department_1423 Supreme Court Just- • 12h ago [101] NTA. Your partner's brother is the epitome of presumptuousness. You were willing to dip into your emergency savings to assist in the serious medical condition of a family member. This does by no means entiles BIL to any part of your money. Hold firm.
    via Icy_Department_1423
  • 19
    SweetBekki • 11h ago NTA - "Since you all think it's acceptable of BIL & his fiancée to demand other people to pay for their wedding then I'll pass on the message back to them that you guys have decided to contribute towards their wedding. How thoughtful of you!" Watch them drop off like flies and the messages will stop.
    via SweetBekki
  • 20
    • ThrowawayLIX 12h ago NTA. You are never in the wrong for refusing to spend your money on someone else.
    via ThrowawayLIX
  • 21
    Familiar-Tension-432 12h ago NTA • There's a massive difference between helping to pay for something that would improve a child's life and paying for a wedding Like Jesus how entitled can you get
    via Familiar-Tension-432
  • 22
    LowBalance4404 . 11h ago Supreme Court Just- [147] NTA. There is a vast difference between dipping into your emergency fund for a serious medical need and someone's wedding. I really hope you don't cave on this.
    via LowBalance4404
  • 23
    Major_Meringue4729 • 11h ago Nothing ticks me off more with these stories, family member with a catsup budget with a caviar wish list, trying to spend someone else's money on their nonsense.
    via Major_Meringue4729
  • 24
    • Eroding-Moon 11h ago I think they were hoping that by putting you on the spot, you would not refuse in front of all those people. First, they lied stating you agreed to pay for it. That right there tells you who the are. No one in the real world thinks this way. Just entitled asshats. Sounds like they were made for each other, but I still give them less than a year. Keep your money. Edit to say NTA.
    via Eroding-Moon
  • 25
    Necessary_Device_227 11h ago • NTA. I would write a group text to all of the family members thanking them for agreeing to help subsidize bil's wedding fund. I would divide the 10K by the number of people condemning OP and her husband and tell them if they all pledge X amount of dollars to bil, he would have the money for the wedding. If they are not willing to help, that is their problem. A sick child and a wedding two people can't pay for is not the same.
    via Necessary_Device_227

Tags

family drama aita drama toxic wife reddit story family feud husband wedding entitled Reddit money entitled people
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